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The Sunday Drive
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Good
ol’ Wolfram & Hart. Who knew a
little necro-whatever coating could make a car vampire-drivable in the middle
of the day? Angel’s such a happy dork
right now.
Of
course it took my amazing brain to come up with the idea. He’s all “I’ll have to take the
sewers” and I’m like “Just take the car. They did put that evil coating on your car
windows didn’t they?” The
expressions that passed over his face were typically Angel. First was the “huh, what did you say” stare,
then the “what evil coating” confusion head tilt, then came the “oh, that evil
coating” comprehension nod, then the “why didn’t I think of that” duh
head-slapping moment, then the “oh my God what a great idea” toothy grin, and
lastly the “what button do I push to get this done now” clumsy, techno-retard
full body jerk. Where is Candid Camera
when you need it?
So
here we are in his fully daylight friendly, top up, air-condition blasting,
cool as hell black convertible tooling up the 5 for a lazy Sunday drive. And it’s 2:00 in the afternoon. Angel is in heaven and I’m sitting right next
to him grinning from ear to ear. He
really does look sexy in those sunglasses. It’s like he’s 6-years old and never been
outside ever. I’ve never seen him this
totally uninhibited and…happy.
I’m
playing tour guide, of course, but it got more difficult when we hit the Valley
because … well … it’s the Valley, and I don’t do the Valley. But on the left is something I recognize and
I’m eager to be able to share something new with him again.
“Oh,
look. Cancer Village. Bring grandma, grandpa and all the kids for
six, fun-filled hours in our skin-burning, cancer-inflicting pools and slides.”
“It
says water park, not Cancer Village.
Oooohh. That’s a water park? I always wanted to go to one of those. Are they open at night? Maybe we can stop there on the way back?”
“What? And actually put this body in a pool that
2,000 kids just peed in? It’s just a big
slide into the biggest toilet bowl in America.
No, thanks bud.” Angel actually
stuck out his lower lip to pout. He
definitely has spent too much time around me. Damn! “But, hey, you’re a vamp and immune to filth,
so who am I to deny you your simple pleasures?
I’ll watch and cheer you on big guy.”
There’s that smile I love…stuck on that man’s face I love.
Angel’s
mind, which wasn’t made from the steel-trap mold, finally clamped around my
original assessment of the park. “Why
did you call it Cancer Village?”
“Well,
duh. Sun? Water? Harmful UV rays? It’s a big petrie dish for growing skin
cancer!”
“Well,
okay, I get that. But isn’t that kind of
hypocritical of you?”
“What? What are you talking about?” I think he’s been out in the sun too
long.
“Your
skin. It’s always tanned. You’ve probably got a ten-year start on all
those people when it comes to skin cancer.”
Hmmm. He actually sounded concerned. That’s sweet. Too bad he’s an idiot.
“This
is not a tan, mister. This is my natural
skin tone.”
Angel
giggled. Okay, now I know he’s
delirious. He did NOT actually
giggle. At ME!
“I
think you’d better put a sock in that snicker before I forget and accidentally
put the top down.”
“I’m
sorry, Cordy.” Now he was trying to talk
in between actual guffaws. “But,
*giggle* you really *chuckle* don’t expect anybody *snigger* to buy that, do
you?” *high-pitched howl*
He really could piss me off sometimes. Especially when he’s right.
“Okay,
so it’s not so much natural as chemically engineered.”
“Chemically
engineered? What does that mean? Do you drink something?”
“Geez,
Angel. Join us here in the 21st Century
why dontcha? Tanning cream? We’ve come a long way baby, and NASA spent
millions of my tax dollars perfecting tanning cream and who am I to snub
progress?”
“But,
isn’t that unnatural and, I dunno...fake?”
“Do
you really think a fake tan makes me more shallow? Okay, that didn’t sound right. “Don’t answer that! Besides, when would I, vision girl and all
around great fighter against all that is evil, have time to lounge around
catching rays.”
“I
don’t know. I guess I thought maybe you
went to one of those tanning booth places.
They don’t take long, do they?”
“Oh,
my God. Who do you think I am? I’d rather swim in that huge toilet bowl back
there than lie naked in somebody else’s sweat.
Those beds are fungus cesspools.”
“Sorry. What do I know from tans? Hellooo.
Pale Rider here.”
“Did
you just make a pop culture joke? Yeah,
it was 40-years ago culture, but still pop.
I’m proud of you.” So I leaned
over and kissed his cheek. What else can
you do when he does something that cute?
The car swerved a bit. Guess
I’d better not kiss him while he’s driving.
“So
rather than spend time in the sun, which I’d give my right arm to do, you sit
in your apartment and rub cream all over your body? Is it all over?” He looks sideways at me with the most evil,
all-man grin I’ve ever seen.
“You
will....probably....never know.”
I give him my evil, all-woman grin right back. The car swerves again. Gotcha!
“And
haven’t you figured out yet that I don’t even really like the sun. It’s hot and makes you all sticky with the
sweat and then there’s a rash.
Yuck. Not to mention all the
crows feet from the squinting and the leathery winkles. No sir.
Just call me Luna, moon goddess and lover of all that is bathed in
starlight.”
“But...you
just seem like a sun person. I mean you
deserve the sun.”
He’s
the only person that can take me from ecstatically happy to maudlin in a split
second. And smiling to crying just as
fast. God I love this man so
much. When is he ever going to realize
it? “Nobody deserves the sun,
Angel. It doesn’t sit in the sky all day
mocking you because you’re all evil.
It’s not God’s judgment on you.
It just is.”
“I
know. But when you can’t have something
for so long, it feels like punishment.
And I don’t want you to ever feel that kind of punishment because of
me. You deserve everything, and I want
to give it to you.”
Okay,
now I’m really crying and I just hope he keeps his eyes on the road and doesn’t
look at me. “You only have to give me
one thing and I’d have the world.”
“What’s
that?”
“You.”
The
car swerved...big time.
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The End