The Memories We Make
~*~*~*~*~*~
Part 1
Scents of baby oil and powder, of the sterilized diaper pail in the corner and the tangy citrus of CK One filled the nursery.
The baby's cheeks were pink and splotchy from Cordy's gentle pinching.
"You're going to be so cute tonight," she said taping the diaper closed with a pat. Picking him up, she nuzzled his neck in search of the strongest scent of fresh baby powder and pure Connor, holding in the breath for as long as possible – never to forget.
A sigh escaped as she cradled him in her arms and rocked him gently while crossing to the window. Propping back a curtain with her elbow, she held him just so, allowing the early morning rays to wash over him. "You need to get out more. You're looking more and more like the son of a vampire."
She glided her palm over his downy hair that shimmered like golden wheat in the sun and stared into his blinking clear blue eyes as her own filled with awe.
"Do you know how much I love you, little guy? Huh? Do you?"
Connor smiled and swatted at her nose. Spittle flew following his tiny "pfft" sound hitting Cordy in the eye.
"Hey! Was that a challenge, bubba? I'll teach you to spit at your Aunt Cordy."
Hoisting him into the air, she pulled his belly to her mouth for raspberry punishment. The wet motorboat sound mellowed under the rise of his giggles as he squirmed and kicked in mid-air.
"Are you trying to eat my son? I should warn you he's a little stringy."
Leaning against the French doors, arms and ankles crossed, Angel mentally framed the picture of his son and best friend smiling and laughing in the shafts of day and tucked it away for a future sketch.
The scrapbook of his son's life was increasingly becoming filled not only with memories of Connor's growth but his entire family as well. But mostly with the two of them – his son and Cordy.
He'd noticed only recently the preponderance of sketches and photos, hand-scrawled notes and journal entries featuring them both. It hadn't been a conscious decision on his part to include her in his son's life, and he suspected neither was it hers. It was just their life now - together.
He wondered if she even realized or felt the change or if it seemed as normal to her as it did to him.
Fear kept him from asking. Angel didn't want her to notice how much of her life was entwined with his. He didn't want her questioning it and deciding she wanted more for herself.
He didn't want her to fantasize about her own son who shared her eyes and a different father's nose.
He shifted uncomfortably when once more the guilt for not pushing Cordy away rose. But he justified it not as a selfish wish but a need for Connor. His son wouldn't have a full life, become the man he hoped he would be, without a woman's influence, and Angel couldn't think of a woman more perfect for that role than Cordy.
It was only a coincidence that she was the one person, along with his son, who made him feel less like a monster and more like a man.
"Has your daddy been nibbling on you, Connor? I think we need to put a muzzle on those fangs, don't we?" she asked while giving him tiny Eskimo kisses.
Angel closed his eyes tightly stemming the rising happiness from cresting but locking another picture in the vault for the family album.
"That'll have to wait until I get some work done, though," she said approaching Angel to pass off the baby into his father's arms.
Standing straight, Angel prepared his senses for her nearness. The air stilled before he felt the static jolt that preceded her touch. Then the warmth spread throughout his body from where she pressed against him making sure there was no space for Connor to fall between them.
She always lingered once Connor was safely in his arms, skimming her hand over the child's forehead and down his body, finally sweeping her fingertips over Angel's forearm and squeezing it before letting go.
It was their ritual and he looked forward to it every day, as many times a day as he could manage.
He peered down into her face and wondered again if she realized how naked her love for Connor shone in the glint of her eyes and sparkle of her smile.
And each time he hoped a small fraction of that love might be for him.
"Don't stay up here all day. It may be Halloween, but there's still work to do."
Angel looked at Connor.
"Did you hear something? I
think there's a fly buzzing around, Con
Rising on her toes, Cordy leaned over Angel's shoulder. "And that fly's name is Wesley and he's the big boss fly with big razor fly teeth," she said baring her own and snapping her jaws.
Angel covered Connor's eyes. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, no scaring the baby with big fly teeth."
"Really, Angel. There's going to be more scary things tonight than my big teeth and hey!" She slapped his arm. "My teeth aren't that big. Besides, Connor's the bravest little baby ever. Aren't you Connor?" She tickled his chin and got a sneeze instead of the expected gurgle.
"Wait, was that a sneeze? I don't think he should go out tonight if he's got a cold," Angel tucked Connor into his body like a football.
"It was just a little one, probably some dust. It wouldn't hurt to spray a little lemony Pledge in here once in awhile."
"He's only five months old, Cor. He won't even know what's going on. I still don't know why we're taking him out."
Cordy rounded him getting in his face. "Huh-uh, buddy. You are not going to use one tiny sneeze as an excuse to keep Connor from going on his first Halloween. That boy is not going to be a social retard like his dad. Got it?" Cordy jabbed her finger into Angel's shoulder to make her point.
"Ow, okay. We'll go as long as there are no more coughs or other symptoms. And I am not a social retard."
"Says the guy who spends every minute when he's not killing demons cooped up in his room."
"I have a baby to take care of." Cordy stood her ground, brows arched letting him know just how lame she thought that excuse was.
"Isn't the boss waiting for you downstairs?" Angel tried.
"He's waiting for both of us, and I'm telling him you're up so no lingering!"
"Fine, we'll be down as soon as I get Connor dressed."
"Okay."
"Okay."
Angel moved toward the dresser but sensed Cordy watching him, not budging.
He stopped and turned back to her. "What?"
"Can I dress him?" she asked, holding her arms out waiting.
"No, you can't. He's not a doll. The last time you put him in that shirt with the sparkly puppies on it which, by the way, I burned. I will take care of his clothes selection from now on."
With a few strides Angel was pulling the top dresser drawer open searching for the manliest baby tee possible.
"It's not like you're such a snappy dresser, Mr. Monotone," Cordy mumbled. She crossed to the door, but spun on her heels before leaving to say, "Fine, dress him like an old literature professor. But tonight I get to dress him in his costume. After all, I picked it out."
Angel heard the door close and put Connor on the changing table while he decided between the hockey shirt and the Notre Dame jersey.
"Sometimes I just don't get your Aunt Cordy. I mean what's the big deal about Halloween? Huh, little guy? You don't even have teeth to eat the candy so what's the point?"
Connor scrunched up his face, took a deep breath and screamed.
"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. You'll see Cordy in a few minutes," he said, his soothing voice and soft touch acting as balms.
Connor stared at his father as his crying began to slow to tiny gulps and whimpers.
"That's right, Bud. We both get to see her very soon. Now which do you want to wear?" Angel asked, showing him the green lettered hockey shirt and then the blue and gold football jersey.
Connor appeared to study his choices glancing from one to the other. His lower lip was trembling and his eyes remained teary.
Peering over the clothing at his son, Angel pushed the hockey shirt closer. "With the no teeth thing you've got going, hockey is probably the best look for you."
He tossed the Notre Dame jersey on the dresser and began to accordion fold the shirt to put it over Connor's head.
"See? I can coordinate. Cordy will be proud."
Kicking his legs and curling his fingers into tiny fists, Connor gave his best threatening look and let go with a truly inhuman howl.
Part 2
Cordy could always provide the face of the enemy but not the facts. She had scores of varieties of horned, clawed, and slimy creatures filed away in her brain. Every entity that she'd ever been blessed with by the Powers remained seared and trapped in her head. But what they were called, where they might live or how to kill them still required boring research.
Her monitor flashed page after page of the information Wesley had requested on the Morcher demon that they had determined was the big bad from her latest vision.
Latest.
She sighed, relieved and grateful that it hadn't been her last.
She tried to keep her mind on the research, but her thoughts kept going back to the evening's plans. Tonight was going to be spent with Connor and Angel and the rest of her family creating a tradition.
Convincing Angel to take Connor trick or treating had required some fancy talking. But she'd played on his trademark guilt telling him his son couldn't miss his first Halloween. It would be tantamount to denying him Christmas or The Easter Bunny.
By the time she'd finished, Angel was sure Connor would never be a normal kid if he didn't have this.
Of course, she couldn't tell him the real reason. That it might be the one Halloween she'd have with him before the visions killed her. Selfishly, she wanted Connor to know that she had been there at the start. That she had been important to him and helped to shape the person he was.
Also, until the baby had come, helping the helpless was her sole purpose – one she loved and would never give up. But she was invisible to those she helped save. She would die an unknown soldier and as egotistical as it sounded, that pissed her off.
Okay, so I haven't totally grown as a person, she thought.
But having Connor gave her an identity to the rest of the world. She was Connor's Aunt Cordy and always would be. There would be pictures to prove it and a story about his first Halloween to be told. She would leave a mark on his life and in the process be remembered not just as the seer whose brains exploded. Yuck.
She sighed again wishing for the umpteenth time that the rest of her dream could come true. The one that included Angel as more than a best friend in a very sexy way, but there was only so much a girl could do with the time she had left. Getting the man and having a pseudo family was not in her destiny apparently.
"You got the appetite of a lumberjack, girl," Gunn held the door open for Fred as she twirled by him from the garden, her fist tightly gripping a half-eaten ruby red candy apple.
The interruption brought Cordy's thoughts back to the task at hand, and she began printing out the information on the demon for Wesley.
"I can't help havin' a fast metabolism. Besides, I've got five years of suckin' on berries and bark to make up for."
"Yeah, leave her alone, Gunn. The girl needs some carbs," Cordy said as she reached for the pages being printed. "Not to mention a vacation to the Twinkie factory," she quietly added.
Fred and Gunn walked up behind her, Gunn slumped on the edge of her desk while Fred perched on the chair at the counter to finish off her apple.
"I'm not saying she shouldn't eat. She just needs to keep her grubby paws off my plate."
Cordy looked over her shoulder at him. "From the look of that stomach, I'm thinking her paws aren't fast enough."
Gunn sucked in his gut and sat up straight. "Girl, you need to get your eyes checked. I've got abs of titanium."
Cordy took a last look and turned back to her computer. "Uh huh. And I've got a date with Jude Law tonight."
"Jude Law?" Fred hopped off her seat. "Really? He's handsome. Not as good looking as Angel, of course, but not ugly. What did Angel say about it?"
Cordy shook her head. "Fred, honey, I don't have a date with Jude Law. And why would Angel care if I did?"
"Why would I care if you did what?" Angel asked as he descended the stairs, Connor in his arms.
"You'd care if Cordy had a date with Jude Law, wouldn't ya?" Fred asked taking a bite of her apple afterward.
Angel stopped on the landing, the morning sun streaming only inches from his foot. "Cordelia has a date? With Who? Who's Jude Law?" His jaw worked hard to get the words out, his free hand squeezing into a fist.
Fred looked from Angel to Gunn and then elbowed her boyfriend in the ribs. "Okay, okay you win," he said. Fred offered him her apple but he looked down at his stomach and pushed it away.
"Don't pay any attention to Fred," Cordy said getting up from her desk and reaching out for Connor.
Angel's hand relaxed as she approached. He stepped down the last few stairs, moments before the rays would have scorched him, into the lobby meeting her in front of the weapon's cabinet.
"I think I need to pay more attention if you've got a date with somebody I don't even know," he said as his son snuggled into Cordy's arms and his own was again engulfed in her heat.
"Angel, I thought you said you burned the sparkly puppies shirt." Connor giggled as she tickled his tummy through the not-burned shirt.
Angel's hands dug into his pants pockets as he shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I...I thought I...okay I lied. I don't know what you did to him, but he refused to wear anything else this morning."
"Aw, did my little guy express his good taste to daddy?" Cordy bounced Connor gently as she carried him back to her desk and sat.
Angel followed coming to a halt next to her, his arms crossed over his chest. "Puppies that glow are not good taste. I may not have a varied wardrobe but that much I know."
"Puppies and babies go together," she said, her eyes growing soft and warm beneath her lashes. "Connor's not a football player. He won't be slapping pucks around for a few years yet either. Let him be a baby a little while longer."
Cordy slid her hand into Angel's and stroked the back of it with her thumb. His body reacted to her touch, loosening and unfolding like a wilting flower. He didn't let go of her hand as his dropped to his side, and he returned the tender gesture with the sweep of his thumb over her skin.
Fred grabbed Gunn's hand and nodded her head toward the red couch hinting to leave them alone.
"Okay," Angel said. "But I draw the line at ducks. Rubber ones in the bath are okay, but not on his clothes."
Cordy pulled her hand away feigning hurt. "Meanie. Your daddy's a mean, mean grr guy, Connor."
"Yeah, I'm terrible. He'll thank me when he's older and you're showing his baby pictures to his girlfriend and he's not covered in ducks."
Angel heard the swift intake of air and watched Cordy's eyes moisten and blink quickly before she bowed her head.
"Yeah, well, at least he'll have someone who loves him enough to embarrass him," she said. "Yes, you will. And you'll be a stronger man because of it."
There it was again. He could live forever in that look if she only meant it for him.
He shook his head free of the momentary spell she wove. "I, uh, doubt wearing clothes with baby animals on them will make him a better man."
"Oh, pfft. What do you know? Haven't you heard the expression 'the clothes make the man'? Well, you can't start too early since making a man takes a lot of work. I ought to know, Mr. Man-pire."
"Wha...are you implying...you did not make me." Angel puffed out his chest, about to stutter even more protests when Cordy got up and handed Connor back to him.
"If that's what you want to believe." She picked up the printed out pages and took them into Wesley's office.
Angel just stared after her. Once she was out of sight, he crossed to the counter speaking to Gunn and Fred.
"Guys, you don't think Cordy made me, do you?"
Gunn looked at Fred and she just shrugged. "I don't know, man," he said. "I think she pretty much made all of us into something we didn't think we'd be, ya know?"
"She's just that person," Fred said. "The one we all rely on to know the right thing to do. I mean where would we all be without the heart?"
"Hey, and you need that heart thing more than any of us," Gunn said.
"Okay, I get that, but it's not like she made me into a man. I'm over 200 years old. I think I was a man long before she was born."
"But were you a man you were proud of?" Fred asked. "Were you a man Cordy would be proud of?"
"I...," Angel started but couldn't force the denial from his mouth. He couldn't say he was proud of who he was until recently. And if he was honest about it, a lot of that did have to do with Cordy and her constant battling with him to do the right thing not to mention just doing whatever it took to please her.
Without her guidance and vigilance, would he be the person – the man – he was right then, he wondered.
He looked down at Connor who was playing with a button on his shirt. "I guess she's right again. Oh, damn." Looking up at Fred and unable to keep the whine out of his voice, he asked, "Does this mean I have to let him wear ducks?"
"Looks like he had another one of those epiphanies," Gunn said to Fred. "Which one is that? Two? Ten?"
"Funny, Gunn," Angel said. "I still don't think ducks and puppies are important in the grand scheme of things."
"Maybe not," said Fred. "But if Cordy thinks they are, you're probably better off not fightin' it."
The swooping of the front doors allowing a Federal Express delivery man to enter grabbed their attention. He bounded into the lobby carrying a small, oblong box.
"Hi. I've got a package for...Cordelia Chase," he said holding up the box to read the name and then glancing at each of them for a response.
Angel being the closest to the office yelled, "Cordy, there's something here for you."
Immediately, Cordy and Wesley exited his office and rounded the counter.
"Cordelia Chase?" asked the delivery man.
"That's me."
"Sign here, please," he said handing Cordy the signature pad. She finished signing with a swoop and took the package back to her desk.
"Connor, look what your Aunt Cordy got for you. It's the best Halloween costume in the whole wide world just for you."
Fred and Gunn got up from the couch to see.
"Oh, what is it?" Fred asked.
Wesley was equally as curious as to what could be so important as to interrupt their research. "Yes, Cordelia, please do show us the best costume in the whole wide world. It's obviously more vital than what we were doing."
"Oh, don't be so stodgy, Wes. It's Halloween! It's not like any demons will be out maiming and pillaging tonight anyway." With that Cordy finally located the box cutter in her drawer and began slicing through the strapping tape.
"I'll bet it's a tiny ninja outfit," Gunn whispered to Angel. "He's going to look very cool and dangerous."
Angel smiled at the image. Yes, his son would look very cool as a ninja. Or, maybe one of those super heroes like Spiderman or Batman.
"Well, what is it?" Fred couldn't wait and tore at the box along with Cordy.
"Hang on, Fred. I'm getting it." Cordy finally got the brown outer wrapping off and cut the tape holding the box together. Sliding the lid off, she pulled out the tiny costume and held it up for all to see.
"Ta da! Isn't it adorable?" She asked.
All of them looked at the costume without speaking, their heads simultaneously tilting left and then right. Finally, Angel gave up.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Duh! What's it look like? It's The Great Pumpkin!"
"Ha! Dude! You're son's going to go out in public as a vegetable," Gunn said giving Angel a congratulatory slap on the back.
"I think he'll look sweet," Fred said.
"Technically," Wesley began, "a pumpkin is a fruit. The term vegetable is strictly a culinary specification and not a botanical classification."
"Thanks, Wesley, that's much better," Angel said as he handed Connor to Fred. "My son's a fruit."
"Would you rather he be an inanimate culinary dish instead of a living entity?" Cordy asked.
"Yes, if that living entity is a fruit," he said grabbing the costume from Cordy. "Why can't he be a vampire like me?"
"What are we going to do? Glue tiny fangs to his gums? What's a vampire without the fangs?"
"Human?" Gunn guessed.
"Exactly," she said. "Then he wouldn't be in a costume at all."
"Exactly," Angel said. Quite sure he'd won the argument and that his son would not be the tiny orange sissy of the neighborhood, he tossed the costume back in its box. Taking Connor from Fred, he headed for the stairs. "Connor, the human, will be in his crib napping and not rotting for the rest of the afternoon."
Once he'd vanished around the corner of the upstairs landing, Cordy carefully lifted the costume from the box and smoothed it out on her desk.
"I'm sorry," Fred said. "I thought he'd be really cute as The Great Pumpkin."
Fred rubbed her back, commiserating with her fellow female about the unreasonable male species.
"Yeah, sorry, Barbie. It is kinda cute, but I can understand Angel's point of view." Gunn swiped his hand over his bald head and backed away, uncertain how to handle a sad Cordelia.
"Yes, well. Now that the costume dilemma of 2002 is taken care of, what say we all get back to work. Cordelia, when you're ready..." Wesley said indicating his office and then left her to return to his research.
For a few seconds, the lobby was empty except for Fred and Cordy, both looking at the pumpkin costume and sighing.
"You know, it's not really The Great Pumpkin." Cordy's words were almost a whisper. "I just said that to make it sound less generic. I thought Angel wouldn't be such a butthead about it if the costume had "great" in the name."
"That was pretty smart. You know Angel better than any of us and if anyone could get him to let Connor be a fruit on Halloween, it'd be you."
Cordy smiled. "Yeah, thanks, Fred." She began folding the costume to put it back in the box.
Suddenly, she stopped. Fred sensed a change in the air and looked at her friend's face which no longer looked defeated. Far from it.
"What are you thinkin'?" Fred asked.
"I'm thinkin' you're right." Cordy shook out the bright fabric to admire it. "I do know Angel better than anyone."
Fred watched her take the small hat with green felt leaves out of the box and put the two pieces together, her mind calculating a strategy even as she arranged the pieces in a Connor shape.
"Um, Cordy? Should I be scared?"
"It's Halloween, Fred. Everyone should be very scared."
Part 3
Halloween Night
The neighborhood was lit by halogen lamps that occasionally
revealed clusters of tiny monsters as they walked through the spots of light
laughing and screaming, reveling in their booty. A group of taller figures walked slowly
surrounding a tiny bundle as if protecting the President in
"Man, how did she do it?" Gunn whispered to Angel pulling him back from the crowd for a private talk.
"That's just it. I have no idea. One moment I was all 'No way, not my son' and she was all 'Think of the baby' and giving me that look. You know the one."
Gunn nodded knowing full well what look he meant and realizing Angel never had a chance.
"And then the next thing I knew...well, you see what happened."
Angel pointed to the group ahead of them with Wesley, Fred and Cordelia smiling and proudly displaying a very much pumpkinized Connor. His arms were covered in the orange tee and his feet the same color booties that came with the set. His body was covered by the pumpkin costume, its insides padded so much that his arms were sticking almost straight out through the holes provided.
"At least I got her to leave off that stupid hat with the stem and leaves," he said pulling the offensive cap from his coat pocket.
"Way to man up," Gunn said hitting his arm.
Angel put the bit of fabric back in his pocket saying, "If you think you can do better, be my guest."
Gunn backed away, hands up in surrender. "Nuh-uh. Don't try to put me in the middle. You and Barbie got your own deal, I got mine."
"Hey, guys," Cordy yelled. "Come on before all the candy's gone."
Cordy was anxious to get started since they were already so late. All the pictures she had insisted they pose for – Connor with her, Connor with her and Angel, Connor with her and everyone individually and in a group – well, making memories was time consuming especially with a baby that didn't always cooperate.
Angel and Gunn quickly caught up with them and together they walked to the first house that appeared to be Halloween friendly. The front porch light was on, a cardboard black and white skeleton hung from the eave, and a carved pumpkin with a flickering candle inside sat on the stoop.
"Okay, this is it. Angel and I will take the first one. You guys hang back. Wesley, give Angel the trick or treat bag."
Wesley handed over the bag. "Good luck and be safe."
"Gee, we're just knocking on a door for candy, Wes," Cordy said. "What's with the doom party?"
"Oh, right. I just forgot for a moment with the darkness and the hoards of tiny minion-like creatures scurrying about."